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Christmas Formal Live!

by The Vandals

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  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    There are some fun pictures included here, posters of Christmases past, and the download includes one song that was not included in the live DVD: "Here I Am Lord!" It's only available here.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $7 USD

     

1.
Families lock their doors in fear that criminals might get them But this Christmas rest assured that I will have my own protection. I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts If bad guys touch my property they won't leave here with out a limp Packing heat this Christmas I'll shoot it off on New Year's Eve, cuz bullets go in outer space when pointed up I believe A bullet sends a Christmas message that is clear and loud it says that I will not take all of this bullshit lying down I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my shit" I will use my new weapon in self-defense and sport and to keep the carolers off my goddamn porch and preventing Yuletide homicide's this year I won't be a victim this year thanks to Santa Clause Sleeping with no fear of danger, and it's all because I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my shit" Christmas needs security , security is weapons. Vigilante action teaching criminals a lesson It's the greatest gift we have for taking out our rivals Thank you Santa, thank you God for guaranteeing my survival A bullet sends a Christmas message that is clear and loud it says that I will not take all of this bullshit lying down I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my shit" I won't be a victim this year thanks to Santa Clause Sleeping with no fear of danger, and it's all because I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts I'll only tell you once "stay the fuck away from my crap or I'll bust a cap in your ass!!!"
2.
Mom Says, "Put on your Christmas best." Grandpa's coming down this year and it might be his last. Why Mom? You say that every time. It seem that he's been dying ever since I was nine. I don't mean no disrespect because he's old and mean. But how come we invite him when he always makes a scene? Tell me Why Does, he hit me with his cane? And why should I get him a gift if he doesn't know my name? How come, he always calls me "Kate" and forgets his dentures on his dinner plate? This could be Grandpa's last Christmas That's what Mother said. This could be Grandpa's last Christmas And soon he might be dead, so be nice. What can I say to someone 300 years old? When he seems so content staring at the jello mold. Please Mom, let me go out and play or soon I will go deaf like him from hearing him complain. I know, his life's been long and hard but he deserves some quiet and peace in a nice graveyard Grandpa, I love you just the same But I know that you won't be happy until you drive us all insane This could be Grandpa's last Christmas That's what Mother said. This could be Grandpa's last Christmas And soon he might be dead, so be nice. be nice...to Grandpa...cuz he's old....and he smells, and he's gonna die soon...be nice to Grandpa
3.
Haji was a punk just like any other boy and He never had no trouble 'til he started up his Oi band, safe in the garage or singing in the tub. Till Haji went to far and he plugged in at the pub Twas a cold Christmas eve when Trevor and the skins popped in for a pint and to nick a bag of crisps Trevor liked the music but not the Unity He unwound Haji's turban and knocked him to his knees If God came down on Christmas Day I know exactly what he'd say He'd say "Oi to the punks and Oi to the skins- but Oi to the world and everybody wins!" Haji was a bloody mess, he ran out through the crowd he said "we'll meet again we are bloodied yet unbowed" Trevor called his bluff and told him where to meet Christmas day on the roof down at 20 Oxford street If God came down on Christmas Day I know exactly what he'd say He'd say "Oi to the punks and Oi to the skins- but Oi to the world and everybody wins!" On the roof with the nunchucks Trevor broke a lot of bones But Haji had a sword like that guy on Indiana Jones Police sirens wailing, a bloody dying man, Haji was alone and abandoned by his band Trevor was there fading and still so full of hate when the skins left him there and went down the fire escape But then Haji saw the north star shining more then ever So he made a tourniquet from his turban saving Trevor and rapelled off the roof with the rest of the turban and went back to the pub where they bought each other bourbon If God came down on Christmas Day
4.
With Christmas upon us it's time to be honest and follow my dreams and to face a life of delusion and gender confusion no longer will be the case I never wanted army men or basketballs, I only wanted pantyhose and Barbie dolls And dressing up in mother's clothing. My whole life I've been feeling only feminine It always seemed so useless trying to be a man Now that's a ghost of Christmas past Now it feels like the very first time, cuz it's going to be the very first time, that Christmas feels right to me. And I know that I'm looking good Just like a real girl should- It's my first Christmas as a woman A doctor reconstructed all my genitals And now I'm waiting underneath the mistletoe for a guy who could love a girl like me. I took the hormones and I got my breasts This season's gonna be the best to me. I won't have to tuck it behind me Since I got my brand new vagina It's my first Christmas as a woman. Chop if off! Chop if off! Chop if off! My penis, chop it off It's no use to me. Cut it off! Chop it off! Chop it off! My penis, cut it off so I can finally be A Woman... Now I'm finally happy cuz I made my goal to be a post operative transsexual. now I'm a pretty lady Now it feels like the very first time, cuz it's going to be the very first time, that Christmas feels right to me. Cuz I know that I'm looking good Just like a real girl should- It's my first Christmas as a woman
5.
This is going to be the best Christmas ever. Everything this year's been a disaster But I won't let it bother me at all Nothing's going to bring me down, It's Christmas and I'm pleased as punch I'm going to stand my happy ground. I refuse to let my family make me crazy I'll smile at their insults and their frowns I'll ignore the shitty weather Cuz what counts is we're together Loving, safe and sound Nothing's going to ruin my holiday Not this time, Ya hear?. (I won't let it happen) And If you try to ruin my holiday- I swear you will regret it for the rest of the fucking year. The turkey might have made the children vomit The tree burned down and torched up all of our gifts But I will grin and bear it and this nightmare we will share it Till I get my only wish- it's Nothing's going to ruin my holiday No act of God or family fight Cuz if you try to ruin my holiday I swear you will regret it for the rest of your fucking life You'll burn in hell with hot pokers in your eyes and acid on your flesh This is going to be the best Christmas ever. Soon this crappy Christmas will be over And I'll go right back to my pissed-off self But until that happens I'll just continue laughing like one of those creepy, retard, mutant, North Pole Elves. Nothing's going to ruin my holiday Not this year I won't let that be the case And If you try and ruin my holiday- I'll punch you in your fat, disgusting, turkey eating face. Understand me This is going to be the best Christmas ever!
6.
7.
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Thanx for nothing. You shouldn't have, Oh- you didn't. You're so generous. Thanks for nothing. Never mind all the stuff I bought for you It was my pleasure, getting nothing back. Come next year I'm getting you what you got me Fucking Nothing. See how you like it I don't have much money but I got you something nice. I maxed out my cards, didn't care about the price... To show I care this time of year- Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Thanx for nothing. So I'm the sap, under the Christmas tree. Trying to find the gifts I thought you got for me. But there was nothing there- what a shock. just the torn up wrappings from all the gifts I bought. Thanx for all the effort to brighten up my Christmas Thank you for the knife that you stabbed me in the back with. What a blessing. You're really something. Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Thanx for nothing. I've been so selfless, choosing gifts so thoughtfully Sweating in a crowed mall and you don't get shit for me. You selfish asshole. I hope you die. Choking on your putrid pile of presents 6 feet high Thanx for making Christmas such a disappointment Thanx for making sharing seem so fucking pointless What a pal. I'll tell you one thing- Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Thanx for nothing. Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, Thanx for nothing. Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
8.
I don't believe in Santa Clause- his corporate image forced upon the blinded spending masses, to enslave the lower classes with obligatory gifts that serve to cleanse a year of guilt and shame. One token gesture justifies the apathetic, hypnotized. Leaving them to be Kris Kringle's slaves. Buy! Buy! I won't do it. The seasons obligation has not my participation. Buy! Buy! I won't do it. The money hungry mating call of corporate swine. Cuz- It's only for the money! It's only for the money! It's only for the money! It's only for the money! Now Buy! He monitors naughty and nice- Big brother is St. Nick! Methodically his judgment made documented on his list. I- Don't believe in Santa Clause or his mystical facade to teach the children wanton greed, they're lust for gifts becomes a need. Brainwashed by the marketing and victims of the corporate scheme. Material possessions becoming they're obsessions till human life has lost it's value and you blindly do just what they tell you I don't believe!!!! His tactics of intimidation repress the minds of youth using fear for generations, His image hides the truth He's just a puppet for the system, a glutton in a suit with Yuletide propaganda and a bearded mask to boot!
9.
I see you've been feeling down When I needed you, you've been around So this year I've a Christmas surprise that will make your spirits rise... I think back on the times, when you've always been there for me And when things seemed unclear- you did the thinking for me. I owe you so much that it's hard, to repay you for all the good times and I won't forget you this year. It's Christmas time for my penis. I know I have let you down when you just needed a hand When I was uncertain, you showed me that I am a man I owe you so much that it's hard, to repay you for all the good times And I'm going to give you the joy that you've earned this year pal... It's Christmas time for my penis. I owe you so much that its hard, to repay you for all the good times It's Christmas time for my penis. I know you've been feeling down, all pent up its so hard to breathe Don't fret this Christmas- you'll get the attention you need I love you so much that it's hard, to repay you for all the good times we'll get whores and pornography- your special holiday, pal... It's Christmas time for my penis.
10.
11.
Christmas is hell on earth, I know nothing worse then being depressed and told to be happy. The season of su-icide, I know why they died Christmas reminds me I have nothing I've got no girl there's only me no friends or family, another Christmas alone Got no food to eat, no ornaments or wreath so I'll hang myself from the tree Christmas is dark and wet, so I can't forget Christmas reminds me I have nothing this is the end of hope, I won't write a note because it would be addressed to no one I've got no girl there's only me no friends or family, another Christmas alone Got no food to eat, no ornaments or wreath so I'll hang myself from the tree Now I will say good-bye and no one will cry Christmas goes on without me My life is now complete, so I'll go to sleep Forever and ever and ever... I've got no girl there's only me no friends or family, another Christmas alone Got no food to eat, no ornaments or wreath so I'll hang myself from the tree
12.

about

These tracks were recorded live at the Grove Theater in Anaheim during the taping of the Vandals Christmas DVD as Volume 1 of the Show Must Go Off Series of Concert DVDs. It was recorded using an Alesis HD 24 by Jon St. James and was artfully mixed by Warren Fitzgerald for your listening pleasure. Since you can't play the DVD in your car, unless you're a douche with a Hummer with TV monitors on the backs of all the seats, we've separated the audio in the pristine FLAC format for you to enjoy and sing along with anywhere!

credits

released December 4, 2013

Josh, Joe, Dave, Warren, Jason Freese, and Stan Freese as noted in the credit section for each song.
Recorded by John St. James
Mixed by Warren Fitzgerald at F-1 Studios in La Habra

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The Vandals Los Angeles, California

**DUE TO COVID-19, ALL ITEMS ARE TAKING LONGER TO BE DELIVERED DO TO THE US MAIL SYSTEM. WE WILL PROCESS ORDERS QUICKLY BUT PLEASE BE PATIENT IF THEY TAKE LONGER THAN NORMAL TO ARRIVE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! **

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