Get all 15 The Vandals releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of 25TH ANNUAL CHRISTMAS FORMAL, Oi To The World! Live In Concert, BBC Sessions and Other Polished Turds, Shingo's Vandals Japanese Remix Album, I'm An Individual, Vandals Play Really Bad Original Country Tunes, Fear Of A Punk Planet, Slippery When ILL, and 7 more.
1. |
A Gun For Christmas
02:37
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Families lock their doors in fear that criminals might get them
But this Christmas rest assured that I will have my own protection.
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
If bad guys touch my property they won't leave here with out a limp
Packing heat this Christmas I'll shoot it off on New Year's Eve,
cuz bullets go in outer space when pointed up I believe
A bullet sends a Christmas message that is clear and loud
it says that I will not take all of this bullshit lying down
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my shit"
I will use my new weapon in self-defense and sport
and to keep the carolers off my goddamn porch
and preventing Yuletide homicide's this year
I won't be a victim this year thanks to Santa Clause
Sleeping with no fear of danger, and it's all because
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my shit"
Christmas needs security , security is weapons.
Vigilante action teaching criminals a lesson
It's the greatest gift we have for taking out our rivals
Thank you Santa, thank you God
for guaranteeing my survival
A bullet sends a Christmas message that is clear and loud
it says that I will not take all of this bullshit lying down
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once "Stay the fuck away from my shit"
I won't be a victim this year thanks to Santa Clause
Sleeping with no fear of danger, and it's all because
I'll get a gun for Christmas to protect my other gifts
I'll only tell you once "stay the fuck away from my crap
or I'll bust a cap in your ass!!!"
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2. |
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Mom Says, "Put on your Christmas best."
Grandpa's coming down this year and it might be his last.
Why Mom? You say that every time.
It seem that he's been dying ever since I was nine.
I don't mean no disrespect because he's old and mean.
But how come we invite him when he always makes a scene?
Tell me
Why Does, he hit me with his cane?
And why should I get him a gift if he doesn't know my name?
How come, he always calls me "Kate"
and forgets his dentures on his dinner plate?
This could be Grandpa's last Christmas
That's what Mother said.
This could be Grandpa's last Christmas
And soon he might be dead, so be nice.
What can I say to someone 300 years old?
When he seems so content staring at the jello mold.
Please Mom, let me go out and play
or soon I will go deaf like him from hearing him complain.
I know, his life's been long and hard
but he deserves some quiet and peace in a nice graveyard
Grandpa, I love you just the same
But I know that you won't be happy until you drive us all insane
This could be Grandpa's last Christmas
That's what Mother said.
This could be Grandpa's last Christmas
And soon he might be dead, so be nice.
be nice...to Grandpa...cuz he's old....and he smells,
and he's gonna die soon...be nice to Grandpa
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3. |
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Haji was a punk just like any other boy and
He never had no trouble 'til he started up his Oi band,
safe in the garage or singing in the tub.
Till Haji went to far and he plugged in at the pub
Twas a cold Christmas eve when Trevor and the skins
popped in for a pint and to nick a bag of crisps
Trevor liked the music but not the Unity
He unwound Haji's turban and knocked him to his knees
If God came down on Christmas Day
I know exactly what he'd say
He'd say "Oi to the punks and Oi to the skins-
but Oi to the world and everybody wins!"
Haji was a bloody mess, he ran out through the crowd
he said "we'll meet again we are bloodied yet unbowed"
Trevor called his bluff and told him where to meet
Christmas day on the roof down at 20 Oxford street
If God came down on Christmas Day
I know exactly what he'd say
He'd say "Oi to the punks and Oi to the skins-
but Oi to the world and everybody wins!"
On the roof with the nunchucks Trevor broke a lot of bones
But Haji had a sword like that guy on Indiana Jones
Police sirens wailing, a bloody dying man,
Haji was alone and abandoned by his band
Trevor was there fading and still so full of hate
when the skins left him there and went down the fire escape
But then Haji saw the north star shining more then ever
So he made a tourniquet from his turban saving Trevor
and rapelled off the roof with the rest of the turban
and went back to the pub where they bought each other bourbon
If God came down on Christmas Day
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4. |
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With Christmas upon us it's time to be honest
and follow my dreams and to face
a life of delusion and gender confusion
no longer will be the case
I never wanted army men or basketballs,
I only wanted pantyhose and Barbie dolls
And dressing up in mother's clothing.
My whole life I've been feeling only feminine
It always seemed so useless trying to be a man
Now that's a ghost of Christmas past
Now it feels like the very first time,
cuz it's going to be the very first time,
that Christmas feels right to me.
And I know that I'm looking good
Just like a real girl should-
It's my first Christmas as a woman
A doctor reconstructed all my genitals
And now I'm waiting underneath the mistletoe
for a guy who could love a girl like me.
I took the hormones and I got my breasts
This season's gonna be the best to me.
I won't have to tuck it behind me
Since I got my brand new vagina
It's my first Christmas as a woman.
Chop if off! Chop if off! Chop if off!
My penis, chop it off
It's no use to me.
Cut it off!
Chop it off! Chop it off!
My penis, cut it off so I can finally be
A Woman...
Now I'm finally happy cuz I made my goal
to be a post operative transsexual.
now I'm a pretty lady
Now it feels like the very first time,
cuz it's going to be the very first time,
that Christmas feels right to me.
Cuz I know that I'm looking good
Just like a real girl should-
It's my first Christmas as a woman
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5. |
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This is going to be the best Christmas ever.
Everything this year's been a disaster
But I won't let it bother me at all
Nothing's going to bring me down,
It's Christmas and I'm pleased as punch
I'm going to stand my happy ground.
I refuse to let my family make me crazy
I'll smile at their insults and their frowns
I'll ignore the shitty weather
Cuz what counts is we're together
Loving, safe and sound
Nothing's going to ruin my holiday
Not this time, Ya hear?. (I won't let it happen)
And If you try to ruin my holiday-
I swear you will regret it for the rest of the fucking year.
The turkey might have made the children vomit
The tree burned down and torched up all of our gifts
But I will grin and bear it
and this nightmare we will share it
Till I get my only wish- it's
Nothing's going to ruin my holiday
No act of God or family fight
Cuz if you try to ruin my holiday
I swear you will regret it for the rest of your fucking life
You'll burn in hell with hot pokers in your eyes and acid on your flesh
This is going to be the best Christmas ever.
Soon this crappy Christmas will be over
And I'll go right back to my pissed-off self
But until that happens I'll just continue laughing
like one of those creepy, retard, mutant, North Pole Elves.
Nothing's going to ruin my holiday
Not this year I won't let that be the case
And If you try and ruin my holiday-
I'll punch you in your fat, disgusting, turkey eating face.
Understand me
This is going to be the best Christmas ever!
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6. |
Here I AM Lord
02:30
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7. |
Thanks For Nothing
02:45
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Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
Thanx for nothing.
You shouldn't have, Oh- you didn't.
You're so generous. Thanks for nothing.
Never mind all the stuff I bought for you
It was my pleasure, getting nothing back.
Come next year I'm getting you what you got me
Fucking Nothing. See how you like it
I don't have much money but I got you something nice.
I maxed out my cards, didn't care about the price...
To show I care this time of year-
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
Thanx for nothing.
So I'm the sap, under the Christmas tree.
Trying to find the gifts I thought you got for me.
But there was nothing there- what a shock.
just the torn up wrappings from all the gifts I bought.
Thanx for all the effort to brighten up my Christmas
Thank you for the knife that you stabbed me in the back with.
What a blessing. You're really something.
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
Thanx for nothing.
I've been so selfless, choosing gifts so thoughtfully
Sweating in a crowed mall and you don't get shit for me.
You selfish asshole. I hope you die.
Choking on your putrid pile of presents 6 feet high
Thanx for making Christmas such a disappointment
Thanx for making sharing seem so fucking pointless
What a pal. I'll tell you one thing-
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
Thanx for nothing.
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
Thanx for nothing.
Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la,
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8. |
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I don't believe in Santa Clause-
his corporate image forced upon
the blinded spending masses,
to enslave the lower classes
with obligatory gifts that serve to cleanse
a year of guilt and shame.
One token gesture justifies
the apathetic, hypnotized.
Leaving them to be Kris Kringle's slaves.
Buy! Buy! I won't do it.
The seasons obligation has not my participation.
Buy! Buy! I won't do it.
The money hungry mating call of corporate swine.
Cuz-
It's only for the money!
It's only for the money!
It's only for the money!
It's only for the money!
Now Buy!
He monitors naughty and nice-
Big brother is St. Nick!
Methodically his judgment made
documented on his list.
I- Don't believe in Santa Clause
or his mystical facade
to teach the children wanton greed,
they're lust for gifts becomes a need.
Brainwashed by the marketing
and victims of the corporate scheme.
Material possessions becoming they're obsessions
till human life has lost it's value
and you blindly do just what they tell you
I don't believe!!!!
His tactics of intimidation repress the minds of youth
using fear for generations, His image hides the truth
He's just a puppet for the system, a glutton in a suit
with Yuletide propaganda and a bearded mask to boot!
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9. |
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I see you've been feeling down
When I needed you, you've been around
So this year I've a Christmas surprise
that will make your spirits rise...
I think back on the times, when you've always been there for me
And when things seemed unclear- you did the thinking for me.
I owe you so much that it's hard,
to repay you for all the good times
and I won't forget you this year.
It's Christmas time for my penis.
I know I have let you down when you just needed a hand
When I was uncertain, you showed me that I am a man
I owe you so much that it's hard,
to repay you for all the good times
And I'm going to give you the joy
that you've earned this year pal...
It's Christmas time for my penis.
I owe you so much that its hard,
to repay you for all the good times
It's Christmas time for my penis.
I know you've been feeling down,
all pent up its so hard to breathe
Don't fret this Christmas-
you'll get the attention you need
I love you so much that it's hard,
to repay you for all the good times
we'll get whores and pornography-
your special holiday, pal...
It's Christmas time for my penis.
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10. |
C.H.R.I.S.T.M.A.S.
01:42
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11. |
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Christmas is hell on earth, I know nothing worse
then being depressed and told to be happy.
The season of su-icide, I know why they died
Christmas reminds me I have nothing
I've got no girl there's only me
no friends or family, another Christmas alone
Got no food to eat, no ornaments or wreath
so I'll hang myself from the tree
Christmas is dark and wet, so I can't forget
Christmas reminds me I have nothing
this is the end of hope, I won't write a note
because it would be addressed to no one
I've got no girl there's only me
no friends or family, another Christmas alone
Got no food to eat, no ornaments or wreath
so I'll hang myself from the tree
Now I will say good-bye and no one will cry
Christmas goes on without me
My life is now complete, so I'll go to sleep
Forever and ever and ever...
I've got no girl there's only me
no friends or family, another Christmas alone
Got no food to eat, no ornaments or wreath
so I'll hang myself from the tree
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12. |
So Long Farewell
03:21
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The Vandals Los Angeles, California
This is the Vandals, a punk rock band . from Orange County, California that started up in the early 1980s and for some reason still has some shows to play. (See below).
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