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Internet Dating Superstuds (31 Track)

by The Vandals

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  • Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.

    This download includes all original tracks of the 2003 U.S. release plus all the artwork/lyrics/liner notes (and more). Also included is the European bonus track, a humble demo of the song "We'll All Get Laid" with vocals by Warren and corresponding INSTRUMENTAL VERSIONS of the original tracks and a rare demo of the the instrumental version of "Lord Of The Dance." The final version was never run off as an instrumental due to some technical mishap.

     $11 USD

     

  • Record/Vinyl

    Never before has this gem been available on Vinyl. It's a dirty white vinyl for dirty white people, and people of all races. It comes with a 31 track download that includes enjoyable instrumental versions of all the jams.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Internet Dating Superstuds (31 Track) via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

     $16 USD

     

  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 12 The Vandals releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Shingo's Vandals Japanese Remix Album, Hollywood Potato Chip, I'm An Individual, Vandals Play Really Bad Original Country Tunes, Fear Of A Punk Planet, Slippery When ILL, Sweatin' To The Oldies: The Vandals Live!, Peace Thru Vandalism (incl. 3 rare bonus tracks), and 4 more. , and , .

     $73.50 USD (25% OFF)

     

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about

IDSS is the first proper Vandals album recorded after the band switched to their own Kung Fu Records from Dexter Holland's Nitro Records across town. We were very excited to have Paul Frank Industries do all of the artwork. Parker Jacobs was in charge of the illustrations.

How was the record received?

2 actual reviews posted on Interpunk.com:

1.
"This CD is freaking amazing. A hell of a lot better than their last attempt. I like it as much as "Hitler Bad, Vandals Good." 43210-1 is an awesome song!"

2.
"BIG disappointment."

The way this CD was promoted was through an Internet Dating contest and a dating web site. The band had to go on actual dates with winners all over the world, from Cleveland to Osaka. Life-long friendships and inappropriate relationships were formed. To watch videos of some of the dates, just search around YouTube, you'll find them.

NOTES FROM THE PRODUCER (Warren Fitzgerald):
The first album I ever lost weight while working on, all thanks to a jump rope.

We mixed the album in Boston so we could use Paul Q. Kolderie (Radiohead, Pixies). Q Division studios in Boston has a vending machine that sells cans of beer.

Driving a car around Boston is the absolute worst.

On tour we milked the "dating" gag for nearly 2 years after the album's release. Our "dates" were contest winners who hung out with the band after shows. 90% of our dates were with dudes.

The bonus track Count To Ten was inspired by the contrived anger and pseudo-anguish spewed out by the Nu Metal bands who were popular in 2002. Yawn.

The first Boston accent I heard upon arrival was at the car rental place. A lady answered the phone and said, "Dollaa-went-a-caa" …not a very feminine or horny accent.

Disproportioned Head is about a real person the band knows, as is Where's Your Dignity? Both of these people are in bands more popular than The Vandals.

My girlfriend at the time got mad at me after reading the lyrics to "I Can't Wait".

credits

released July 16, 2013

Produced by Warren Fitzgerald and Ryan Williams
Mixed by Paul Q. Kolderie
Vocals: David Quackenbush
Drums: Josh Freese
Guitar: Warren Fitzgerald
Bass: Joe Escalante

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Track Name: the Vandals - 4,3,2,1,0,-1
4321…
Stop, pretending you’re even having fun
You just stand there looking dumb and bored with your thumb in your ass… you’re better than that.
For once in your life, before you retire be the leader of the choir set your pubic hair on fire just because, you feel like it
CHORUS:
Be that moron screaming in the crowd- HEY!
This shit could never be too loud for me
Help us help you armpit fart,
cuz we’re only getting started…
Dance and bleed, Karate chop and pray good times will never stop.

Oh boy is this great! Don’t hesitate rub your feces like an ape, and finally celebrate- just because.
Finally talk to a girl, throw your dream journal in the urinal cuz with tap shoes and a girdle, dreams really can come true…you’re living proof
CHORUS:
Be that moron screaming in the crowd- HEY!
This shit could never be too loud for me
Help us help you armpit fart,
cuz we’re only getting started…
Yeah, we’re only getting started…

Participate, it’s the end of the wait, show up late, masturbate, tell your date you’re in shape- though you’re not.
Take off your shirt, eat a fistful of dirt, and never learn get sunburn, cuz it looks good on you.
CHORUS:
Be that moron screaming in the crowd- HEY!
This shit could never be too loud for me
Help us help you armpit fart,
cuz we’re only getting started…
Yeah, we’re only getting started…(X2)
Dance and bleed, Karate chop and pray good times will never stop.
Track Name: Appreciate My Honesty
Appreciate my Honesty
I used to take you out nearly every night.
Acting interested in everything you like.
Painfully pretending you we’re everything I wanted.
CHORUS:
Now I’ve gotten comfortable enough to be a whole lot more like me around you- Please appreciate my honesty.

I’m so glad that I can lay around, hand in pants without a chance of disappointing you. Never listening, or helping except for a critique or two.
CHORUS:
Now I’ve gotten comfortable enough to be a whole lot more like me around you- Please appreciate my honesty.
Appreciate my honesty

I’m so happy that we’ve gotten past the lies. If you don’t believe me start again with any other guy. They’ll be nice and really try but soon like me they’ll realize… that it’s a lie.
Over time I’ve let myself go. But I’m not going to let you go unless you want to go and pick me up some food or something nice.
CHORUS:
Now I’ve gotten comfortable enough to be a whole lot more like me around you- Please appreciate my honesty.
Now I’ve gotten comfortable enough to be a whole lot more like me around you- Please appreciate my honesty.
Appreciate my honesty.
Track Name: I'm Becoming You
I’m Becoming You
It’s not enough to say you’re mine it still seems so unsatisfying. I want to live inside your mind and wear your shoes and walk for miles. Show up as you, do what you do, see what ensues- can we try?
CHORUS:
I just had to explain that we are one in the same.
Help me cuz I’m becoming you.

I smell your clothes I smell your sheets and wish that smell had come from me. I hate my skin that I live in, I never win, I just had to say-
CHORUS:
I just had to explain that we are one in the same.
Help me cuz I’m becoming you.

Normal love you know the story, it’s been done and it gets so boring. First you meet and then you get married, squeeze out some kids and wait to be buried.

I know it sounds all crazy.
I wanna be you baby.

It’s no a gay thing, I’m just stating that I’m way all into you. As this progresses I’m a mess but it will all be over soon
CHORUS:
I just had to explain that we are one in the same.
Help me cuz I’m becoming you.
I know it sounds all crazy.
I wanna be you baby.
I know it sounds all crazy.
He want’s to be you baby.
I know it sounds all crazy.
He want’s to be you baby
Track Name: Disproportioned Head
Disproportioned Head

If my body was twice the size it was then I might look alright but I don’t because, I’ve got a disproportioned head.

And the people they point and laugh at me and they tell me it’s huge cuz honestly – I’ve got a disproportioned head.


Don’t try and be nice and say, “It’s really not that big” cuz I am well aware that you are lying – about my head.

It blocks out the sun like a parasol. And I’m walking around like a Dodger doll cuz I’ve got a disproportioned head.

And I can’t make it better with surgery. So I’m stuck with this skull and the world can see, I’ve got a disproportioned head.

Don’t try and be nice to me because you think I’m near. I’m across the street and I can’t hear.
Don’t offer advice to me, of hats- it’s all been tried.
They don’t really make them in my size……Head.

And I can only fit in convertible cars.
And my Mom has a 3-foot cesarean scar, cuz of my disoproportioned head

And I’d go ahead and end it now
If I could find a noose that would fit around my huge, disproportioned head.
I’ve got a disproportioned head (X3)
Track Name: Soccer Mom
Soccer Mom
Gliding across the lawn, oranges and Evian. And pizza right after the game. Just tell me where and when, Volvos and collagen. Hope you might feel the same.
My Soccer mom, it’s on. Knew all along so right it’s so wrong.
Pray to god that you’re thinking what I’m thinking. I know you’re brattless every other weekend. Let your hair down and keep it all a secret. No reason why it couldn’t be that way.

If you say yes right now, I’ll make it work some how. Those fancy dinners don’t come free. Don’t know just where he went. But with that settlement, you should be taking me.
My Soccer mom, it’s on. Knew all along so right it’s so wrong.
Pray to god that you’re thinking what I’m thinking. I know you’re brattless every other weekend. Let your hair down and keep it all a secret. No reason why it couldn’t be that way.
Tell me I’m the one for you, even if it isn’t true. I’d pretend to like those two snot kids.
And if it had to end, I think that my heart would eventually mend. I’d keep my fingers crossed for another MILF like you.

Pray to god that you’re thinking what I’m thinking. I know you’re brattless every other weekend. Let your hair down and keep it all a secret. No reason why it couldn’t be that way.
Tell me I’m the one for you, even if it isn’t true. I’d pretend to like those two. I’d do anything for you my Soccer Mom.
Track Name: We'll All Get Laid
We’ll All Get Laid
Well it’s a great big world that’s filled with disappointment. We’re maggots in the ointment just squirming to get free. And now the futures got
much more than you can handle.
Don’t try to light a candle.
Let’s curse the misery.

And as we head for certain doom, don’t give up so soon. Till every one of us is dead and vengeful Armageddon has arrived.
CHORUS:
Cuz we’ll have a drink and throw a parade. And greet the rapture screaming “Hoary!” And hope someone jumps on the grenade. But no one will. We’ll all be killed and we will thrill as blood is spilled. And even the bravest of us run away. We’ll all get laid.

Cuz you still got dreams that haven’t been pissed on. And you still got things you’ll never get done. And you’ll keep on running like a rat on a wheel. And keep on wondering what is the deal. What was the point? And how come it ends this way? Well no one knows, we’ve only got today. And as the lights go dim, don’t think it’s all so grim. At least we all go out together heading off to never-never land.
CHORUS:
Cuz we’ll have a drink and throw a parade. And greet the rapture screaming “Hoary!” And hope someone jumps on the grenade. But no one will. We’ll all be killed and we will thrill as blood is spilled. And even the bravest of us run away.
We’ll all get laid X2
Track Name: Little Weirdo
Little Weirdo
The little weirdo down the street says he’s making a rocket ship with household items, so we can’t find him.
Igloo cooler and some gasoline, soil samples and some magazines for the long ride home.
CHORUS:
Set the controls for the farthest star and fly away. Little weirdo.

No one here is going to miss you much but I wish you luck on your trip- run away. Fly away, fly away.
Planet earth never offered much, just culture shock and and a lot of strange looks from the native assholes.
Ground control there’s no one there, we haven’t heard a word from his interstellar patio chair.
CHORUS:
Set the controls for the farthest star and fly away. Little weirdo.
No one here is going to miss you much but I wish you luck on your trip- run away. Fly away, fly away.

The little weirdo left today he said we’re doomed but from his view it’s so beautiful.
CHORUS:
Set the controls for the farthest star and fly away. Little weirdo.
No one here is going to miss you much but I wish you luck on your trip- run away. Fly away, fly away.
Track Name: I Can't Wait
I Can’t Wait
Well I know it’s gonna happen so I wait for it to happen cuz it never doesn’t happen to- me.
And you’re giving me a headache cuz your clingy and pathetic and I know I got to cut you free.
CHOURS:
I can’t wait, can’t wait there’s no escaping- I’m so over us.
I can’t wait, I can’t take it- just kick me in the face and go and have some stupid fun.

Well you have all this potential why must you be such a simpleminded, insecure, smothering freak.

And you’ll soon be well aware there’s no reason you care and I give it maybe bout a week.
CHOURS:
I can’t wait, can’t wait there’s no escaping- I’m so over us.
I can’t wait, I can’t take it- just kick me in the face and go and have some stupid fun. Leave the house and meet someone.

I’m sure you’ll find good times with someone, anyone but me, I won’t make scene, just tell me you’re leaving and I’ll just act OK- I cant wait.

Well I know it’s gonna happen so I wait for it to happen cuz it never doesn’t happen to- me

And I want for you to want to wanna go because you think ought to.
So I can finally frigging breathe.

CHOURS:
I can’t wait, can’t wait there’s no escaping- I’m so over us.
I can’t wait, I can’t take it- just kick me in the face and go and have some stupid fun. Leave the house and meet someone.
Someone’s sure to like you, don’t tell ‘em you’re a psycho, in 14 years we’ll go have lunch.
Track Name: Where's Your Dignity
Where's YourDignity
Buck up little man, you fucked up but you can’t let you’re life be ruined because she’s over you.
Don’t think about her. Don’t speak about her, again and again I tell you this as a friend.
She’s gone and now you’re carrying on with flowers and bad poetry. You’re sorry, but now so are we.
CHORUS:
Where’s your dignity- it’s gone just like she is.
And you’re groveling about the one that got away.
You’ll get no sympathy from her just crying like a baby, like the big fat stupid baby you’ve become.

And what ever happened to, that guy I used to knew?
He’s a weeping little ball of goo.
You’re crying like you’ve got no spine and she’s laughing at you, admit it- it’s thru.
CHORUS:
Where’s your dignity- it’s gone just like she is.
And you’re groveling about the one that got away.
You’ll get no sympathy from her just crying like a baby, like the big fat stupid baby you’ve become.
Where’s your dignity?
Where’s your dignity?

CHORUS:
Where’s your dignity- it’s gone just like she is.
And you’re groveling about the one that got away.
You’ll get no sympathy from her just crying like a baby, like the big fat stupid baby you’ve become.
Track Name: My Brain Tells My Body
My Brain Tells my Body
Every time I see her sweet face makes me wanna, gotta cut my throat. No escaping or erasing her image that haunts me and taunts me again.
But the sun it never lies, just offers warmth and fills the skies. Says to me “it’s time she went away”.
CHORUS:
My brain it tells my body, keep staring at the sun.
Till my retina’s are scorched and this torture’s run it’s course for me.

Her ocular stimulation fuels my lust so I can’t trust my eyes. Two little traitors that wont avert. Now they’ve hurt me for the last time.
But the sun it never lies, just offers warmth and fills the skies. Says to me “it’s time she went away”.
CHORUS:
My brain it tells my body, keep staring at the sun.
Till my retina’s are scorched and this torture’s run it’s course for me.
My brain it tells my body, keep staring at the sun.
And the glow of the corona till I feel I’ve never known you.

But the sun it never lies, just offers warmth and fills the skies. Says to me “it’s time she went away”.
CHORUS:
My brain it tells my body, keep staring at the sun.
Till my retina’s are scorched and this torture’s run it’s course for me.
My brain it tells my body, keep staring at the sun.
And the glow of the corona till I feel I’ve never known you.
Track Name: When I Say You, I Mean Me
When I say You I mean Me
Wouldn’t you like to try everything once before you had to die? Don’t lie. If there was no one watching or to ask why.
Wouldn’t you like to see inside yourself and know what you could be? To be free. Of course when I say you, I mean me.

CHORUS:
Then your head begins to ache. And all the plans you made just break. For every dream you keep inside, another part of you has died.

Doesn’t it make you sick? To see everyone is such a hypocrite. Full of shit. Keep you down so they can benefit.
Wouldn’t you like to kill, just this once to know how good it would feel. So real. And live your dreams with nothing to conceal.

CHORUS:
Then your head begins to ache. And all the plans you made just break. When all your feelings are denied. You’ll always feel unsatisfied. For every dream you keep inside, another part of you has died.
Track Name: The Unseen Tears Of The Albacore
The Unseen Tears Of The Albacore

When Humanity creates a hierchy
Placing blowholes above anemones
When sovereign nations have made it policy
Slaughter anything that goes with wasabe

In the food chain, there is a third rail
Winking at mass murder of the yellowtail
Let ‘em suffocate, there’s no intelligence
They don’t jump through hoops for an audience

CHORUS:
Say a prayer for the Earth as you make a wish
Who will shed one tear for the tunafish, or the thousand other species on the ocean floor?
Does a spot on prime time TV Land justify the ruination of a fisherman
That could’ve been me cries the albacore

With the carnage sealed hermetically
In the killing fields of local canneries
It’s a Dolphin Safe atrocity
(Flippery frippery)

CHORUS

Metal gafs are flying
As the innocent keep dying
But are we only crying
For God’s creatures not worth frying
Track Name: My Brother Is Gay
My Brother is Gay

Christmas 1994, not like the year before. We didn’t want to know. Buried our heads in the snow…

Looking back it was obvious to everyone. But then again he’s not just anyone. We used to laugh and call him names. Some things I wish I could change.

Snow fell. He was burning up inside. Tired of living a lie. He just had to say. We learned my brother was gay.

It came on silent night. Mother’s face went white. She said “I have to sit”. Father had a fit. I’m learning to deal with it.

My brother is ggg…
My brother is ggg…

Looking back it was obvious to everyone. But then again he’s not just anyone. We used to laugh and call him names. Some things I wish I could change.

Christmas 1994, can’t take it back to the store. Like a shirt that doesn’t fit. I’m learning to deal with it. I’m learning to deal with it.

My brother is gay.
My brother is gay.
I guess it’s OK
My brother is gay.
Track Name: Lord Of The Dance
Lord of the Dance

A needy world greets the new messiah. Taking applications for disciples. To touch the hem of his leather trousers, unleashes the fury of his healing powers.

His feet we’re blistered for you sins, and painful melvins in the high school gym. From those who doubted “He” was “Him”.
The savior of our souls- Lord Michael.

CHORUS
I’m exploding in my pants, from the spirit of the Lord of Dance. The whirling dervish Son of Man, repent while you still can.

His wonders work in mysterious ways. Arms are still above his furious legs. A simple shuffle and a full plié, he’s making Zima out of Perrier.

He’s got one commandment for his scribes to tell- “Ignite your passion” or burn in hell. Hallelujah we are in his debt, baptized from his holy sweat.

CHORUS
I’m exploding in my pants, from the spirit of the Lord of Dance. The whirling dervish Son of Man, repent while you still can.

The Lord of Lords declares a holy war on the on the onlookers and the wallflowers.

CHORUS
I’m exploding in my pants, from the spirit of the Lord of Dance. The whirling dervish Son of Man, repent while you still can.