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Slippery When ILL

by The Vandals

Clowns are neato clowns are fun Clowns are loved by everyone Cops n' commies even fags Everybody loves a gag Clowns everywhere are freakin' out In parades they scream n' shout They're sad as hell, and they're singin' the blues Cause no one laughs at their great big shoes Here's some clowns we really love: Bozo, Scoopy, Rusty Nails Here's a clown we really hate: Ronald McDonald ( He's only in it for the burgers ) I saw a clown in the mall today My brother cried and he ran away They get no respect, aren't served in bars No matter how many friends they can fit in their cars The other day I was drivin' around in the clown Mobile with 17 of my friends towin' The ferris wheel in the back and this cop pulls me over and says, "Where ya goin' Bozo?" I said, "I'm not Bozo. I sure wish I was, though. The man's a friggin' genius." Clowns are forced to take jobs across the nation Below the level of their education It's hard as hell to make ends meet With a painted face and gigantic feet Yesterday I was sittin' in a bar havin' a drink and this clown walks in and says, "Bartender, give me a tree fort." The bartender looks at him and says, "What's in a tree fort?" "Playboy books and cigars." Last verse same as the first Acapulco version, ten times worse
Susanville 04:29
With 800 pounds on 18 wheels After 800 miles you know how it feels To have your rear so numb you gotta poke it To see if it's still there Well it's one more load to one more town Only problem is they're all starting to sound a bit similar Lord knows they all look the same So I got some hot coffee in Furnace Creek Abut the trouble is I was never neat and I spilled it And my map and phonebook were a blur But I had a girl and a job to do Or was that job and a girl to do? I don't know - I had to go and my velvet interior was a soggy mess I think I got a girl named Mary down in Susanville Waitin' for me to come home and make her my wife I know I got a load of somethin' goin' to somewhereville But I can't remember which to save to save my life With a load to Mr. Johnson in Watsoville Or is that a load to Mr. Watson in Johnsonville? Well, anyway, after several days I don't know what or if it mattered Just a load of placer to Cedarville, or a load of cedar to Placerville Or a container full of things up to Diamond Springs for an indoor swapmeet Is that a cargo of hay south to Northfork, Some plastic forks north to Hayfork, Or a bunch of men's nugget watches straight through to Pixley, Or Apple Jacks down to Fall River Mills or honor snacks up to Downieville? Well, the white girls are cute that I've met in Blackbute, But I'll stick to the road and finish my beer and coffee Now I am marrying Jan from Susanville Or am I suing Jane from Mary'sville? Cause if I am I better call Ernie my attorney from Burney Falls Well, all I know is if I recall- She had the longest legs and she was kinda tall And prettier than a catfish With its nose up against the dam Without a girl and some time to kill I ran some baby food to Gerberville And took some airplane parts to Wilbur in Oreville Now that can't be Wright Well it's one more load one more town Only problem is they're all startin' to sound a bit similar Lord knows they all look the same
Desert Woman 03:39
A thousand miles of desert- a million tons of sand A few less pounds of woman- a tired broken man A parching thrist that water couldn't quench My desert woman this frontier's only pearl How can I penetrate her lonely desert world? She doesn't need no make up- the sun powders her nose Natural, unshaven from her armpits to her toes A love as empty as a broken neon sign Only thing in common was her Levi's size and mine Now the desert shows no mercy to the timid or the weak So as she left the diner, I climbed into her jeep She did the rest, introduced me to this land Now she's my desert woman and I'm her desert man Like the lone coyote from this land I'll never stray A pound of Sioux peyote couldn't make me feel that way
In America 02:37
Well the eagle's been flyin' slow And the flag's been flyin' low And a lot of people sayin' that America's fixin' to fall Well speakin' just for me And some people from Tennessee We've got a thing or two to tell you all This lady may have stumbled But she ain't never fell And if the Russians don't believe that They can all go straight to hell We're gonna put her feet back On the path of righteousness and then God bless America again [CHORUS] And you never did think That it ever would happen again (In America, did you?) You never did think That we'd ever get together again (We damn sure fooled you) Yeah, we're walkin' real proud And we're talkin' real loud again (In America) You never did think That it ever would happen again From The Sound up in Long Island Out to San Francisco Bay And everything that's in between them is our own And we may have done a little bit Of fightin' amongst ourselves But you outside people best leave us alone 'Cause we'll all stick together And you can take that to the bank That's the cowboys and the hippies And the rebels and the yanks You just go and lay your hand On a Pittsburgh Steelers' fan And I think you're gonna finally understand [CHORUS] And you never did think That it ever would happen again (In America, did you?) You never did think That we'd ever get together again (We damn sure fooled you) Yeah, we're walkin' real proud And we're talkin' real loud again (In America) You never did think That it ever would happen again [Instrumental] [CHORUS] And you never did think That it ever would happen again (In America, did you?) You never did think That we'd ever get together again (We damn sure fooled you) Yeah, we're walkin' real proud And we're talkin' real loud again (In America) You never did think That it ever would happen again
Collecting dust inside that liquor store 'till you bought it for me A decanter full of whiskey in the image of the King The more I drank from it the less I saw of you That bottle's empty now and you and I are through When you gave me the King of gifts I didn't know what to say Except a hundred and fifty dollars in an awful lot to pay For a girl like you who doesn't make much money, anyway But you cared enough to put away a little everyday For that Elvis decanter, the one you gave to me A fitting symbol of our love, and empty likeness of the King If I had made it last or filled it up would it have changed a thing? It's just an Elvis decanter, the one you gave to me They told me I should save it, it'd be worth something Someday But me I couldn't wait and the King of Rock got lighter everyday Soon it was half empty and I was half as close to you Then I drank the rest, and should've guessed I drank our love in two Elvis decanter, the one you gave to me In the name of Elvis, why did you have to leave? When I love you and I need you desperately tonite
He met her at the Soundcheck, where she was tendin' bar Bodacious ones and ruby lips, a regular movie star Her singin' voice was pleasin', that's how she got her name He wasn't from her neighborhood, but he loved her just the same How he wished he could move to Hollywood How he wished he could move to Hollywood But there's goop all over the phone, and Pleasant all over the bill He'd like to see a lot more of her, cause she gives him such a thrill But he's from down in Long Beach, and she lives in Hollywood Hills So there's goop all over the phone, and Pleasant all over the bill Like a duck after a June bug, he's on that honeybee And every night he phones her hive and they get real sticky He tells her that he loves her, but can only talk awhile Cause the phone gets like a greased up hog and the bill's a country mile [Chorus] Now he went off atourin', 'cause the Vandals gotta play But with every show their love costs more 'cause he gets further away There's only one solution, a phony calling card But he yapped & yapped 'till he got slapped with a serious federal charge [Chorus] Now the judge denied him bail, and he fought back the tears And he thought of Pleasant's beauty as they gave him 20 years He said, "I'll go real peaceful like, I know I broke the law, But I ain't no stoop so gimme the goop 'Cause I still got one phone call." And there's goop all over the phone...
Shi'ite Punk 03:19
Religious dedication rushing through his veins - The Shi'ite Punks don't feel no pain - Hey you'd better set my people free - Before I body bomb your embassy - But no one listens to this third world punk - Grab some hostages you'll hear his junk - He's a mean sidewinder-don't take no "jive" - In the Muslim life you fight to stay alive - Shi'ite Punk lookin' for a fight - Skankin' his way through his third world place - With a big black mole in the middle of his face - He's a Shi'ite Punk lookin' for a fight - But he's got no time, he's gotta catch a fight - Muhammed Vommit don't mind the weather - He's got Nabih Berri on the back of his leather - Skinhead, clenched fists, boots to his knees - He's a punk, don't never say please - Living in the Middle East, don't get many shows - For most people that's the way it goes - Hello U.S.A let me talk to the man - We'll release the students, we just wanna see some hands - Big time government can't be pushed around - Caught in a bind and they're goin' to town - Well what can we do with the situation at hand - Tell ya what, better meet our demands - Want a blonde and a Rolls Royce bullets for my gun - Wine coolers and a nuclear bomb - Freedom for my people, no religious persecution - Give me this and there'll be no revolution - Wanna record contract for my band - Cause we're goin' on tour all the way to Graceland
Gator Hide 04:13
Alligator skins, crocodile hides, good ol' boys, and their Southern brides City folk come for the lure of the bounty But they don't come back 'cause the sheriff of the country is Buford T. Jefferson Davis III And I'm only here to warn you if you haven't heard about: Gator hides- a sheriff's pride Everglades mirrored shades He's a good ol' boy but he ain't no good He'll bust your head on a stump Just like splittin' wood Got a story of his own though he ain't askin' for pity Saw his folks shot dead for twelve dollars in the city So Buford was orphaned by the city at ten Got a chip on his shoulder the size of Gentle Ben (CHORUS) Hunted 10,000 islands, drank 10,000 beers Wanted 10,000 dollars, got 10,000 years So I drank myself blind, on a homemade solution As my body rots away in a penal institution So if you come for the gators let me give you a clue The shefiff of the county's got it in for you
Well I asked about him, that long hair, and those curls She said he's just a nice guy, likes to hang out with the girls Well I didn't think twice about him- I just figured him for gay I sure had him pegged right wrong he stole my girl away I told her I don't give a damn Bon Jovi's finally here I'm not about to miss the Laker game to see that long haired queer But you go on ahead why don't you take that little freak That was my first mistake- she didn't come back for a week He's a long hair havin', back stabbin', lyin', cheatin', dirty little freakin' get along-with-the-girl-lookin' fool Well that silly little freak, I'd like to give him a beatin' Left me standin' here like a fool She took me to a party where she said there'd be afew kegs More like winecooler drinkin' make-up sportin' Bauhaus stickers with legs "Have you heard Gene Loves Jezebel?" I said, "Ask me if I care, All I know is Joni Loves Chachi," then I hit him with my chair So if your honey fancies hippies well here's all you need to know Stay clear of L.A. Guns & Roses, take her to a Vandals show Our suicidal bros will bum her out 'till she just can't hang And you can party with a skinhead fox with tiny little bangs I feel like yankin' out his curls for hangin' out with girls Left me standin' here like a fool
Mr. Playboy, Sir Weasel, Poppin' Snake, and Mr. Cool - Went down to the blvd. To play they ass some pool - Illa Zilla Lady Killa - Imfa dance with you - Here go one woo - The def gang, the blind crew, Pinky Dee, and Dr. Shock - Came down from the south of town to toke they ass some rock - Every postman on his beat, every skeezer on the street - Got sick as hell anemia from saggin' to their feet - Like the farmer to the tater, plant you now and dig you later


This album was taken off the shelves a decade or so ago and replaced by the release "Vandals Play Really Bad Original Country Tunes. This is the album in it's original state. This the only place you are going to find it.


released May 1, 2014

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The Vandals Los Angeles, California

This is the Vandals, a punk rock band . from Orange County, California that started up in the early 1980s and for some reason still has some shows to play. (See below).


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