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Slippery When ILL

by The Vandals

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sKalopio thumbnail
sKalopio Unexpected but easily explainable! And f*cking pleasant over all! Favorite track: Elvis Decanter.
Shawn-Ray Dalinsky
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Shawn-Ray Dalinsky The strangest Vandals album, but also strangely one of their best in my opinion. This shows the talent of the band, especially the wordplay in the lyrics. Favorite track: Susanville.
Ron A Mahler
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Ron A Mahler Have the original on cassette! Favorite track: Gator Hide.
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This album was taken off the shelves a decade or so ago and replaced by the release "Vandals Play Really Bad Original Country Tunes. This is the album in it's original state. This the only place you are going to find it.


released May 1, 2014

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The Vandals Los Angeles, California


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Track Name: Clowns Are Experts (at making us laugh)
Clowns are neato clowns are fun
Clowns are loved by everyone
Cops n' commies even fags
Everybody loves a gag
Clowns everywhere are freakin' out
In parades they scream n' shout
They're sad as hell, and they're singin' the blues
Cause no one laughs at their great big shoes
Here's some clowns we really love: Bozo, Scoopy, Rusty Nails
Here's a clown we really hate: Ronald McDonald
( He's only in it for the burgers )
I saw a clown in the mall today
My brother cried and he ran away
They get no respect, aren't served in bars
No matter how many friends they can fit in their cars
The other day I was drivin' around in the clown
Mobile with 17 of my friends towin'
The ferris wheel in the back and this cop pulls me over and says,
"Where ya goin' Bozo?"
I said, "I'm not Bozo. I sure wish I was, though.
The man's a friggin' genius."
Clowns are forced to take jobs across the nation
Below the level of their education
It's hard as hell to make ends meet
With a painted face and gigantic feet
Yesterday I was sittin' in a bar havin' a drink and this clown walks in and says,
"Bartender, give me a tree fort."
The bartender looks at him and says,
"What's in a tree fort?"
"Playboy books and cigars."
Last verse same as the first Acapulco version, ten times worse
Track Name: Susanville
With 800 pounds on 18 wheels
After 800 miles you know how it feels
To have your rear so numb you gotta poke it
To see if it's still there
Well it's one more load to one more town
Only problem is they're all starting to sound a bit similar
Lord knows they all look the same
So I got some hot coffee in Furnace Creek
Abut the trouble is I was never neat and I spilled it
And my map and phonebook were a blur
But I had a girl and a job to do
Or was that job and a girl to do?
I don't know - I had to go and my velvet interior was a soggy mess
I think I got a girl named Mary down in Susanville
Waitin' for me to come home and make her my wife
I know I got a load of somethin' goin' to somewhereville
But I can't remember which to save to save my life
With a load to Mr. Johnson in Watsoville
Or is that a load to Mr. Watson in Johnsonville?
Well, anyway, after several days I don't know what or if it mattered
Just a load of placer to Cedarville, or a load of cedar to Placerville
Or a container full of things up to Diamond Springs for an indoor swapmeet
Is that a cargo of hay south to Northfork, Some plastic forks north to Hayfork,
Or a bunch of men's nugget watches straight through to Pixley,
Or Apple Jacks down to Fall River Mills or honor snacks up to Downieville?
Well, the white girls are cute that I've met in Blackbute,
But I'll stick to the road and finish my beer and coffee
Now I am marrying Jan from Susanville
Or am I suing Jane from Mary'sville?
Cause if I am I better call Ernie my attorney from Burney Falls
Well, all I know is if I recall-
She had the longest legs and she was kinda tall
And prettier than a catfish
With its nose up against the dam
Without a girl and some time to kill I ran some baby food to Gerberville
And took some airplane parts to Wilbur in Oreville
Now that can't be Wright
Well it's one more load one more town
Only problem is they're all startin' to sound a bit similar
Lord knows they all look the same
Track Name: Desert Woman
A thousand miles of desert- a million tons of sand
A few less pounds of woman- a tired broken man
A parching thrist that water couldn't quench
My desert woman this frontier's only pearl
How can I penetrate her lonely desert world?
She doesn't need no make up- the sun powders her nose
Natural, unshaven from her armpits to her toes
A love as empty as a broken neon sign
Only thing in common was her Levi's size and mine
Now the desert shows no mercy to the timid or the weak
So as she left the diner, I climbed into her jeep
She did the rest, introduced me to this land
Now she's my desert woman and I'm her desert man
Like the lone coyote from this land I'll never stray
A pound of Sioux peyote couldn't make me feel that way
Track Name: In America
Well the eagle's been flyin' slow
And the flag's been flyin' low
And a lot of people sayin' that America's fixin' to fall
Well speakin' just for me
And some people from Tennessee
We've got a thing or two to tell you all
This lady may have stumbled
But she ain't never fell
And if the Russians don't believe that
They can all go straight to hell
We're gonna put her feet back
On the path of righteousness and then
God bless America again

And you never did think
That it ever would happen again (In America, did you?)
You never did think
That we'd ever get together again
(We damn sure fooled you)
Yeah, we're walkin' real proud
And we're talkin' real loud again (In America)
You never did think
That it ever would happen again

From The Sound up in Long Island
Out to San Francisco Bay
And everything that's in between them is our own
And we may have done a little bit
Of fightin' amongst ourselves
But you outside people best leave us alone
'Cause we'll all stick together
And you can take that to the bank
That's the cowboys and the hippies
And the rebels and the yanks
You just go and lay your hand
On a Pittsburgh Steelers' fan
And I think you're gonna finally understand

And you never did think
That it ever would happen again (In America, did you?)
You never did think
That we'd ever get together again
(We damn sure fooled you)
Yeah, we're walkin' real proud
And we're talkin' real loud again (In America)
You never did think
That it ever would happen again


And you never did think
That it ever would happen again (In America, did you?)
You never did think
That we'd ever get together again
(We damn sure fooled you)
Yeah, we're walkin' real proud
And we're talkin' real loud again (In America)
You never did think
That it ever would happen again
Track Name: Elvis Decanter
Collecting dust inside that liquor store 'till you bought it for me
A decanter full of whiskey in the image of the King
The more I drank from it the less I saw of you
That bottle's empty now and you and I are through
When you gave me the King of gifts I didn't know what to say
Except a hundred and fifty dollars in an awful lot to pay
For a girl like you who doesn't make much money, anyway
But you cared enough to put away a little everyday
For that Elvis decanter, the one you gave to me
A fitting symbol of our love, and empty likeness of the King
If I had made it last or filled it up would it have changed a thing?
It's just an Elvis decanter, the one you gave to me
They told me I should save it, it'd be worth something
But me I couldn't wait and the King of Rock got lighter everyday
Soon it was half empty and I was half as close to you
Then I drank the rest, and should've guessed I drank our love in two
Elvis decanter, the one you gave to me
In the name of Elvis, why did you have to leave?
When I love you and I need you desperately tonite
Track Name: Goop All Over The Phone (Pleasent All Over The Bill)
He met her at the Soundcheck, where she was tendin' bar
Bodacious ones and ruby lips, a regular movie star
Her singin' voice was pleasin', that's how she got her name
He wasn't from her neighborhood, but he loved her just the same
How he wished he could move to Hollywood
How he wished he could move to Hollywood

But there's goop all over the phone, and Pleasant all over the bill
He'd like to see a lot more of her, cause she gives him such a thrill
But he's from down in Long Beach, and she lives in Hollywood Hills
So there's goop all over the phone, and Pleasant all over the bill

Like a duck after a June bug, he's on that honeybee
And every night he phones her hive and they get real sticky
He tells her that he loves her, but can only talk awhile
Cause the phone gets like a greased up hog and the bill's a country mile

Now he went off atourin', 'cause the Vandals gotta play
But with every show their love costs more 'cause he gets further away
There's only one solution, a phony calling card
But he yapped & yapped 'till he got slapped with a serious federal charge
Now the judge denied him bail, and he fought back the tears
And he thought of Pleasant's beauty as they gave him 20 years
He said, "I'll go real peaceful like, I know I broke the law,
But I ain't no stoop so gimme the goop
'Cause I still got one phone call."
And there's goop all over the phone...
Track Name: Shi'ite Punk
Religious dedication rushing through his veins - The Shi'ite Punks don't feel no pain - Hey you'd better set my people free - Before I body bomb your embassy - But no one listens to this third world punk - Grab some hostages you'll hear his junk - He's a mean sidewinder-don't take no "jive" - In the Muslim life you fight to stay alive -

Shi'ite Punk lookin' for a fight - Skankin' his way through his third world place - With a big black mole in the middle of his face - He's a Shi'ite Punk lookin' for a fight - But he's got no time, he's gotta catch a fight - Muhammed Vommit don't mind the weather -

He's got Nabih Berri on the back of his leather - Skinhead, clenched fists, boots to his knees - He's a punk, don't never say please - Living in the Middle East, don't get many shows - For most people that's the way it goes - Hello U.S.A let me talk to the man - We'll release the students, we just wanna see some hands - Big time government can't be pushed around - Caught in a bind and they're goin' to town - Well what can we do with the situation at hand -

Tell ya what, better meet our demands - Want a blonde and a Rolls Royce bullets for my gun - Wine coolers and a nuclear bomb - Freedom for my people, no religious persecution - Give me this and there'll be no revolution - Wanna record contract for my band - Cause we're goin' on tour all the way to Graceland
Track Name: Gator Hide
Alligator skins, crocodile hides, good ol' boys, and their Southern brides
City folk come for the lure of the bounty
But they don't come back 'cause the sheriff of the country is
Buford T. Jefferson Davis III
And I'm only here to warn you if you haven't heard about:
Gator hides- a sheriff's pride
Everglades mirrored shades
He's a good ol' boy but he ain't no good
He'll bust your head on a stump
Just like splittin' wood
Got a story of his own though he ain't askin' for pity
Saw his folks shot dead for twelve dollars in the city
So Buford was orphaned by the city at ten
Got a chip on his shoulder the size of Gentle Ben
Hunted 10,000 islands, drank 10,000 beers
Wanted 10,000 dollars, got 10,000 years
So I drank myself blind, on a homemade solution
As my body rots away in a penal institution
So if you come for the gators let me give you a clue
The shefiff of the county's got it in for you
Track Name: Long Hair Queer
Well I asked about him, that long hair, and those curls
She said he's just a nice guy, likes to hang out with the girls
Well I didn't think twice about him- I just figured him for gay
I sure had him pegged right wrong he stole my girl away
I told her I don't give a damn Bon Jovi's finally here
I'm not about to miss the Laker game to see that long haired queer
But you go on ahead why don't you take that little freak
That was my first mistake- she didn't come back for a week
He's a long hair havin', back stabbin', lyin', cheatin', dirty little freakin'
get along-with-the-girl-lookin' fool
Well that silly little freak, I'd like to give him a beatin'
Left me standin' here like a fool
She took me to a party where she said there'd be afew kegs
More like winecooler drinkin' make-up sportin' Bauhaus stickers with legs
"Have you heard Gene Loves Jezebel?" I said, "Ask me if I care,
All I know is Joni Loves Chachi," then I hit him with my chair
So if your honey fancies hippies well here's all you need to know
Stay clear of L.A. Guns & Roses, take her to a Vandals show
Our suicidal bros will bum her out 'till she just can't hang
And you can party with a skinhead fox with tiny little bangs
I feel like yankin' out his curls for hangin' out with girls
Left me standin' here like a fool
Track Name: (Illa Zilla) Lady Killa
Mr. Playboy, Sir Weasel, Poppin' Snake, and Mr. Cool - Went down to the blvd. To play they ass some pool -

Illa Zilla Lady Killa - Imfa dance with you - Here go one woo -

The def gang, the blind crew, Pinky Dee, and Dr. Shock - Came down from the south of town to toke they ass some rock -

Every postman on his beat, every skeezer on the street - Got sick as hell anemia from saggin' to their feet -

Like the farmer to the tater, plant you now and dig you later

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